If The Emperor Reacts To Tts Spacebattles
Okay, picture this: The Emperor of Mankind, the big cheese of the Imperium, sitting down with a cup of recaff (probably spiked with something forbidden) and scrolling through... Spacebattles.
Specifically, the "If the Emperor Watched TTS" thread. I mean, pure gold, right?
Act One: Initial Confusion & Mild Irritation
First reaction? Confusion, naturally. Like when your grandpa tries to use TikTok. "What is this...'Text-to-Speech Device'? And why are they referring to me as... 'Big E'?"
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You can imagine Malcador, ever the patient one, having to explain the internet, memes, and why people are so darn obsessed with making fun of him and Lorgar. Early comments might be met with a raised eyebrow, a low growl, maybe a slight twitch from his psychic presence.
Think of it like showing your dad a picture of himself doing something embarrassing at a party. He's not mad, just... mildly inconvenienced by the reminder.
The Magnus Problem Arises
Then comes the Magnus section. Oof. This is where the recaff might be needed, not just for the Emperor but for everyone in the Imperial Palace vicinity. The sheer volume of "Magnus Did Nothing Wrong" memes would be enough to make him consider, for a brief, terrifying second, just abandoning the whole "humanity's savior" gig and opening a nice bakery instead.
He'd probably mutter something about the importance of following psychic safety regulations. Or, more likely, "He. Did. Everything. Wrong." Very emphatic, very fatherly. Picture someone trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions, repeatedly failing, and then blaming the instructions anyway.
Act Two: The Slow Burn of Amusement
But here's the thing about the Emperor: he's also got a sense of humor, buried deep, deep down under millennia of responsibility and psychic baggage. And the sheer absurdity of some of the TTS moments might just crack him.
Think of it like this: He’s watching the Custodes doing synchronized interpretive dance to a techno remix of the Imperial anthem. Weird, yes, but also... kinda hilarious.
He'd start noticing the clever digs at his own personality flaws. The constant self-sacrifice, the micro-management, the total inability to communicate his feelings. It's like having your therapist read your diary aloud to the entire galaxy, only funnier (and possibly more accurate).
Kitten Steals the Show
Enter Kitten, the Custodes whose love for Lemon Russ is only surpassed by his sassy comebacks and his ability to diffuse even the tensest situations. The Emperor would be simultaneously horrified and grudgingly impressed.
Horrified because, well, it's a Custodes acting like a teenager with too much caffeine. Impressed because Kitten is genuinely good at keeping the other Custodes from ripping each other to shreds out of boredom. That's a talent. Maybe a Custodes version of crowd control?
Imagine the Emperor facepalming, then secretly chuckling to himself later that night. He’d totally deny it if anyone asked, of course. "Such levity is unbecoming of a Custodian," he’d say, while humming the Lemon Russ song under his breath.
Act Three: Acceptance (and Maybe a Little Fanboying)
Eventually, the Emperor would reach a point of acceptance. He'd realize that while the TTS versions of himself and his sons are exaggerated, they're not entirely inaccurate. And that's okay. It's a way for people to cope with the sheer grimdarkness of the Warhammer 40,000 universe.
He might even start offering suggestions to Malcador on how to improve the series. Like, maybe a flashback episode explaining why he's so bad at parenting. Or a musical number about the joys of galactic conquest.
Picture him leaning back in his throne, a faint smile playing on his lips. The Golden Throne starts playing a subtle TTS remix of the Imperial Anthem in the background. Rogal Dorn appears with some freshly baked Lemon Russ, having overheard a conversation between the Emperor and Malcador.
The Final Verdict
The final verdict? The Emperor would probably find TTS: Spacebattles surprisingly cathartic. It's a chance for him to see himself (and his sons) through the eyes of the common people. To laugh at his own flaws. To realize that even in the darkest of futures, there's still room for humor.
He might even start using some of the memes himself. Imagine the next Imperial edict: "By order of the Emperor, all heretics are hereby declared 'sus'. Suffer not the imposter!" The galaxy would never be the same.
In conclusion, The Emperor would hate it, love it, and secretly binge-watch it every chance he gets. Because deep down, even the most powerful being in the galaxy just wants to laugh at silly internet jokes. And maybe, just maybe, learn something about himself along the way. It would be a good thing.