For Presentation To The United States Treasury
Subject: A Few "Suggestions" (aka Demands) for the U.S. Treasury
Alright, Treasury folks, gather 'round! Let's talk money. I have some ideas. Some... strong ideas.
First, about those pennies. Seriously, pennies? Are we still doing this? They're like tiny, copper guilt trips we carry around.
Get Rid of the Penny Already!
It costs more to make a penny than it's worth! That’s insane! I’m pretty sure my grandma has a jar overflowing with them.
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Rounding to the nearest nickel? Genius! Think of all the time we’ll save at the checkout. We can then use the time to do some real thinking.
"But what about the charities?" I hear you cry.
Don’t worry, they can still take checks. And cryptocurrency! It’s the 21st century, people.
Let's Talk About Money Design
Speaking of modernization, can we get some cooler looking money? Seriously, George Washington's portrait hasn’t changed since the 1800's. My phone updates more frequently than our currency design.
Give us holographic bills! Imagine a Benjamin that shimmers and changes color. Counterfeiters? Good luck with that!
Maybe put cats on the money? Okay, that might be a tad biased (I love cats). But seriously, think about it. Who could resist a cat-themed stimulus check?
I propose we replace Alexander Hamilton on the ten-dollar bill with Dolly Parton. She deserves it. She’s a national treasure.
Taxation: A Novel Approach
Let's simplify taxes. Please! The current system is so complicated, it requires a PhD in accounting to understand. I feel like I need a decoder ring just to file.
Maybe… hear me out… a tax rate based on how happy you are? The happier you are, the less you pay! It would create a better society. Win-win!
Just kidding! (Mostly.) But seriously, streamline things. Make it so the average person doesn't need to hire an army of accountants. Less paperwork, more happiness. See? I'm onto something.
Invest in... Fun!
The Treasury should invest in things that make people genuinely happy. Like community gardens. And free ice cream days. Okay, maybe I’m just hungry.
Fund art programs! Subsidize local theaters! Let's foster creativity and joy. A thriving arts scene boosts the economy too, you know.
And invest in cat cafes! Wait, did I say that out loud? Moving on…
Debt: Let’s Be Real
Okay, this is a tough one, the national debt. It’s like that overflowing inbox you keep ignoring. Except, instead of emails, it's billions of dollars.
Maybe we should just… start over? Wipe the slate clean? I know, I know, that’s probably not how it works. But a girl can dream.
Okay, more realistically, how about a national garage sale? Sell off some surplus stuff. Old tanks, unused office supplies, those extra pennies we aren't using anymore. Every little bit helps!
Final Thoughts (and a Polite Request)
Look, I know I'm not an economist. I am an informed taxpayer. And hopefully, these (slightly outlandish) suggestions have given you something to think about.
At the very least, please consider the cat thing. I’m not giving up on that.
Thank you for your time. And please, consider sending me a lifetime supply of those cool holographic dollars. I deserve them. (For my contributions to this document, of course.)