Chad Wild Clay This Is How We Poop

Okay, let's talk about something we all do. Yes, that thing. Pooping. We all do it. Even Chad Wild Clay, the ninja-fruit-fighting YouTuber. I bet he doesn't reveal this in his videos. So how do we poop?

My theory? It’s a deeply personal thing. Like choosing your favorite pizza topping. Some people are in-and-out artists. Boom. Done. Back to saving the internet from Project Zorgo. Others? They treat it like a spa day. Candles. Magazines. The works. No judgment here. (Okay, maybe a little judgment for the spa day people. Just kidding... mostly.)

The Posture Predicament

Let's get real about the throne. Are you a sitter? A squatter? A leans-forward-with-elbows-on-knees type? Me? I’m a sitter, but I’ve heard the squatting thing is supposed to be revolutionary. Something about angles and…well, let's not get too graphic. Let's just say proponents claim it's the most natural way to handle business. I remain skeptical. My knees protest even thinking about it.

And don't even get me started on public restrooms. You know the feeling. Hovering is an Olympic sport at this point. Especially those questionable gas station bathrooms. One wrong move, and you’re basically auditioning for a horror movie. Even Chad Wild Clay would probably need his ninja skills to navigate those.

The Great TP Debate

Over or under? The age-old toilet paper question. Personally, I'm an over person. It just feels right. Under? Feels... sneaky. Like the TP is trying to hide from me. But hey, to each their own. As long as there's TP, I’m relatively happy.

Then there’s the ply situation. One-ply? Absolute torture. Two-ply is the bare minimum. Three-ply? Now we’re talking luxury. Like a five-star hotel bathroom experience, but, you know, at home. I bet Chad Wild Clay's bathroom has at least three-ply. He's a successful YouTuber, after all!

The Aftermath

The flush. The hand wash. The lingering feeling of... relief. It's a simple pleasure, really. Unless, of course, the toilet clogs. Then it's just pure, unadulterated panic. A plunger becomes your best friend. You contemplate calling a plumber. You question all your life choices.

And then, the post-poop check. Are you a looker? Or are you a flusher-and-forgetter? I’m not judging (much), but I definitely glance. Just to make sure everything's...normal. You know, for science.

Unpopular Opinion Time

Here's my controversial take: reading on the toilet is overrated. Sure, it seems relaxing. But honestly, it just prolongs the process. And who has time for that? I’d rather be watching Chad Wild Clay videos. Plus, think of the germs! Your phone is already a petri dish. Do you really want to add toilet germs to the mix?

Another unpopular opinion: bidets are weird. I know, I know. People swear by them. Claim they're cleaner, more eco-friendly, etc. But the thought of a water jet shooting up my… well, you get the picture… just freaks me out. I’ll stick to TP, thank you very much.

The Universal Truth

Ultimately, how we poop is a deeply personal thing. There's no right or wrong way (unless you're clogging public toilets on purpose. Then you're just a monster).

We all do it. We all have our own little rituals and preferences. It's a universal human experience that binds us together. Even Chad Wild Clay. Though, I bet he figures out how to ninja bomb his poop out faster than the rest of us.

So, embrace your inner pooper. Be proud of your… process. And remember, you're not alone. We’re all in this together. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a sudden urge to go… read a book. Just kidding! I'm going to watch Chad Wild Clay! Probably not while pooping, though. I learned my lesson.