Okay, okay, settle in, grab your lattes, because you are not going to believe this. So, you know how everyone has that recurring dream of failing a test naked in front of their crush? Yeah, well, mine was a little... different. I died. Gruesomely. Let's just say a rogue toaster oven was involved. Don't ask.
But get this: I didn't just kick the bucket. I reincarnated! And not as a butterfly, or a wise old owl, or even a particularly smug cat. Nope. I came back as... well, the internet calls it "the Crazy Strong SSS." Trust me, the alliteration is the least weird part of this whole shebang.
So, What IS an "SSS" Anyway?
Good question! I asked myself the same thing after waking up and trying to high-five myself... which resulted in accidentally denting the wall. An "SSS," apparently, stands for something like "Super Strong Supernatural Being" or "Seriously Scary Situation," depending on which forum you ask. Basically, I'm the anime protagonist now, except instead of fighting world-ending demons, I'm mostly just trying not to break things when I sneeze.
Imagine being so strong that you accidentally rip the doorknob off trying to open your apartment door. That was my Tuesday. And don't even get me started on the awkwardness of hugging people. I'm pretty sure I accidentally gave my grandma whiplash last Christmas. Sorry, Nana!
The Unexpected Perks (and Quirks)
Alright, let's be real, there are some definite perks to being ridiculously overpowered. I can open pickle jars on the first try. I can carry all the groceries in one trip. I can probably win at arm wrestling against a grizzly bear. (Although, I'd rather not test that one out. Grizzly bears are scary, even if I'm technically "SSS.")
But here's the catch: my powers are... inconsistent. Sometimes I can bench press a small car. Other times, I struggle to open a particularly stubborn yogurt container. I'm pretty sure my strength is directly proportional to my caffeine intake. So, yeah, I'm basically powered by coffee. Don't judge me.
And the worst part? I have zero control over it. I’m basically a walking, talking, over-caffeinated disaster waiting to happen. Forget carefully handling delicate objects! I once tried to pet a kitten and accidentally launched it into orbit. Okay, maybe not *orbit*, but it did fly a considerable distance. The kitten was fine, thankfully, but I’m now banned from the local animal shelter.
Learning to Live the SSS Life (One Broken Thing at a Time)
So, how does one navigate life as an unintentionally destructive force of nature? Well, it's a learning process. A very loud, very expensive learning process. I've invested heavily in bubble wrap. My landlord hates me. And I'm pretty sure the local hardware store is putting my kids through college.
I'm taking anger management classes, which is ironic, because I'm not angry. I'm just... strong. Really, really strong. I accidentally crushed the stress ball in the first session. The therapist just sighed and handed me a bowling ball. I think he's given up.
But hey, at least it's interesting, right? I mean, how many people can say they accidentally caused a minor earthquake while trying to do yoga? (Okay, maybe it wasn't *technically* an earthquake, but the neighbors definitely felt it.)
The Moral of the Story?
If there's a moral to this whole crazy reincarnated-as-an-SSS story, it's probably this: be careful what you wish for. Sure, being super strong sounds awesome on paper, but in reality, it mostly involves apologizing a lot and replacing broken appliances.
And maybe, just maybe, avoid using toaster ovens that look suspiciously like they came from a mad scientist's lab. Just a thought. Also, if you see me coming, maybe step aside. For your own safety.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a new toilet seat. Again. Anyone know where I can find one made of titanium?
Oh, and one last thing: If you ever see a cat flying through the air, don't worry. It's probably just me trying to be friendly.
